It feels cold where ever I go.
So it seems this blog only faces a flurry of activity when things are extremely positive, or extremely negative. I guess I wouldn’t say negative, but at least difficult. Elsa is back in pretty decent condition and things are like before, except it seems my lady much preferred her life free of a rotation because now she just screams and destroys her apartment. Some days not at all, some days constantly. I want to say we’re just struggling to get back into the swing of things and adjust, but if you heard her cry and it didn’t break your heart I don’t know. It’s also extremely frustrating because I’m a people and I get frustrated. She has a great life here so the SA like activity (she does not have SA, but the behavior is a mirror) frustrates me.
It’s ironic that I took this chance adopting her out so she wouldn’t have to live with a rotation, only to find before she was pretty fine with every thing and I’ve gone ahead and fucked her up. I know I didn’t actually fuck my dog up, but it’s almost 3 AM and I’m riddled with guilt and anxiety so let me have this blog at least. If I hadn’t sent her to asshole land she would be just the same as before and we could have had two months of summer where we had a blast instead of whatever happened in her life during that time.
I also can’t figure out if I’m making the right decision immediately declaring I will not adopt her out again. Our gal Magpie had an adoption that went really wrong and we kept her. It just feels different when a dog is returned versus a dog having an adoption that goes bad. They get returned, you brush it off and find the right home for them, but they come back in bad shape or you find them in the pound and now your need to protect them kicks into over drive. I am scared if I adopt her out again it will go wrong somehow and she’ll just be bounced from place to place. Is that more or less fair than having a rotation system? There are people in rescue that think people who rotate are the root of all evil, which is really helpful.
Then I wonder, say I am faced with a situation that can’t go wrong. Like.. single family, no other pets, right near me. Or they have pets but I can supervise a million introductions to make sure the way I know her is true and not what was claimed by her adopter. Would I let her go THEN? I should think I could make a good choice, but let go this dog that paws at my hands while I lay on my stomach and type on my lap top? Rescue is probably a lot easier for the people who don’t really give a shit which is probably why it is frivolous to run into people from the SPCA and say “Look! This is that dog I took! Living all awesome!” People who don’t give a shit don’t worry where they end up. I probably obsess over it.